My birthday is always a very poetic, metaphorical, and philosophical for me. I'm very thoughtful, pondering my life, my relationship with God and with others in my life, what I've accomplished, what I'm meant to accomplish, and who I'm supposed to be. Things also always seem to fall perfectly into place in a way that the events of my birthday always seem to lay out in a perfect representation or celebration of my life. And, maybe it's my imagination, but even nature/outside just seems to decorate itself- everything seems to greet me as a familiar friend- everything around me on my birthday seems to say, "I'm glad you were born." And thus, I can't help but feel the strong presence and love of God on my birthday. In fact, I think I look forward to my birthday primarily because I know I'll feel God's presence, feel a stronger sense of His purpose for me, and just have a better understanding of his unending love for me in a way that I don't normally comprehend the other days of the year.
This year, was no exception to all of that. It Began at midnight while I played Switchfoot's "Always"- one of my favorites to listen to around my birthday. At 11:59 the song began, "This is the start, this is your heart, this is the day you were born. This is the sun, these are your lungs, this is the day you were born." and just as the word 'born' ended, the clock struck 12 am and it was indeed, the day I was born.
I awoke early in the low pre-dawn light. Laying in my bed drowsily, I saw the moon, beautiful and nearly full out my window hanging in the light blue sky and I just felt God' presence because it felt as though He had placed that moon there just for me. Work was full of blessings- my students make me laugh and love. From spraying me with water and yelling, "beach party!" to singing happy birthday in the best/most fun way possible (a happy birthday song from my students is the best happy birthday song you're going to get). I left work to a blustery February night with a bright sapphire blue sky studded by stars, outlined by rickety skeletons of trees scratching the surface of the night sky. It reminded me of the episode of "sex and the city" where it's Carrie's birthday and she realizes how much she appreciates her best friends- how important her friends are in her life despite the fact that she's another year older and she looks up at the moon and the rickety bare trees by her apartment and she lets her balloons float into the sky. I feel like today was all like that- just appreciating what I have in my life and not being angry or sad about what I don't have. I just spent the day realizing how blessed I was. I went out to dinner with a good mix of friends and was so touched that some of my friends made an effort to come out all this way to see me and to spend time with me even though not all of them knew each other. For coming out here only a year and a half ago, I sure am incredibly lucky to have found so many great groups of friends here.
I drove home, beneath the starlight, the moon large and mystical looking through the trees, listening to the wind rush past my car, catching glimpses of the lantern lights of the stores on top of the dark hills. And like every birthday, I spent some quality time with God, just reveling in his presence and love. I did not dwell, as I often do, on my failings- how I fail to be who God wants me to be in daily activities. Instead, I just felt His pure, forgiving love for me. And I realized something: what I really have been celebrating on my birthday these past few years when I philosophize, think about my life/relationship with God and just enjoy the fact that He gave me another year on earth is my anniversary with God. It really seems to fit the nature of what goes on in my head/heart/spiritual life on my birthday.
While God's love is eternal and thus has no beginning and no end, the day that I was born was the beginning of that love being made obvious (or even "official") to the world because it was then that I began to exist and His love for me could be pinned to a love He had for an actual tangible human form. It was also the beginning of when I began to experience His love. So, today I celebrated my 24th anniversary with God. I spent most of it appreciating and living out His love in all the forms it comes in and in the end, I went home to Him, spent quiet time with Him, and just let His love wash over me. I feel so much peace, reaffirmed in what I'm meant for and that God really is working in my life, carrying out a plan, and leading me where He wants me. And who knows, next year when I celebrate my next "anniversary" I'll have an idea of what I'm doing in the next phase of my life and two years from today, I'll be living that next phase. How time flies. But, I have faith, as I always do on my birthday, that God is leading me towards all the good I need in my life and towards all the places He wants me.
Thus, it was another happy birthday- really, a happy anniversary- a celebration of 24 years of a life together with God.
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