Week 17: Find me Somebody to Love

I've heard a lot of songs about love these past few days that have me thinking about the love we seek, the love we think we want, the love we really want, the love we get, the love we get to give and often, if we're doing what God commands, the love we have to give.

Seventy weeks of getting my life together especially involves my getting myself in order to be in whatever meaningful relationship God has planned for me next (and even now)- be that relationship romantic, a friendship, multiple friendships, mentor/mentee, even developing existing family relationships, etc. But of course, girls my age are getting married, just starting to have babies, and the ones that aren't are mostly all focused on finding a way to end up doing those things. It's as if we feel we need to do this to find purpose and fulfillment in our lives. We find ourselves so focused on trying to find somebody to love us, and if we think about it, understand a little more about the nature of love, instead we try to find somebody to love. Queen was a band of some slightly deeper thinkers- they asked if anyone could find them somebody to love.

But even this, is somewhat misguided. We pray and pray for somebody to love- thinking we'll get a romantic partner to cuddle and love and share things with. The Beatles said they got by with a little help from their friends and when asked if they needed anybody, they said they need someone to love. Could it be anybody? They simply say they want someone to love, implying it couldn't be just anybody. But the point is, this is what they want, what they need, and without it they just "get by" with a little help from their friends.

So often, we get caught up in romantic love and think this is the only type there is- at least the only type worth seeking for a long period of time, the only kind worth dedicating a whole life to.  But sometimes I wonder if it were socially acceptable and common practice, that we could just dedicate our lives to a close friend instead of a spouse. What if we met someone with whom our relationship was completely platonic and we just agreed that because we are two people on this planet, that we would care for each other and love each other- even if we're two people who are of the same gender or different sexual orientations- we love each other regardless of physical attraction. We love each other purely for love's sake. Occasionally you see that happen, or something close to it in the form of a long term friendship, but not too often. Best friends move apart, they get married, they have kids, their love goes to more socially acceptable and naturally easier to handle/instinctive places- to their spouse and their children. Friendship love is less instinctive. There's no sexual attraction, no need to protect your young or blood bond. It's more of an agreement to love someone because they are human too- in fact, it seems to me that love is more of the kind Christ speaks of. What I'm describing is even more of a strong neighborly love rather than a love of someone you selected to be your friend. But friendship love and neighborly love are similar enough for the purposes of the ideas I'm describing.

I spent an afternoon in the city talking about life over tea with a good female friend who is also my age and single. I thought about all the beautiful young women I know struggling for companionship, a place in this world, hoping for the desires of their hearts. I thought of all the conversations I'd had in the past few months with friends- loving each other, listening to each other, lifting each other up. All the times I've come to work and felt safe with a group of women who would look out for me- we would take care of each other. We're so busy trying to meet a man to start a family that we forget all the families we have right in front of us- the odd ones that form that are the most difficult to recognize but also the most beautiful . U2 and Johnny Cash didn't just want someone to love romantically- they understood that we have one love, one life, we've got to do what we should- we have one life with each other- our sisters and our brothers. We have one life, even though we're not the same and we get to carry each other, carry each other. We've got to carry each other.

As Christ commands us to love one another, to carry each other, we find that to love is duty. We ask and ask to find someone to love when we neglect to love all the people right in front of us whom we are commissioned and commanded to love. And while it is our duty and it is difficult, it is not a chore- it comes with all the pain, beauty, growth, and strength that any love comes with. Love, in it's true form, is love- no matter who it belongs to, no matter who it's given to.

So if you're longing to love somebody, you can pray and pray that you'll find somebody to love- but be careful what you wish for because you most certainly will find hundreds of people to love, right before your eyes. And if you choose to love them for the people they are, standing right in front of you, with nothing romantic to hand you, you'll find a purpose and a fulfillment in your life and you'll find you have a family, or at least a person who will carry you, too. You'll carry each other, carry each other home.